Who Are You When You Are With Me?

From the Collection – In The Narcissist’s Shadow

This poem is a mirror held up to the duplicity of narcissistic abuse — the public mask versus the private cruelty. It’s a haunting, necessary piece that captures the dissonance survivors often feel when no one else sees what happens behind closed doors.
This poem is indeed a direct confrontation of the narcissist’s split identity — the charming, magnetic persona shown to the world, and the cold, controlling figure revealed only in private. This is a hallmark of narcissistic abuse: the abuser curates a public image so convincing that the survivor’s truth is often dismissed or disbelieved.

How charming and kind, they say, he’s a gem.
He lights up the room—a beacon, a star.
Among friends, he laughs, he dances with ease,
But with me, he’s cold, unmoved as a stone.
Who are you when you’re with me alone?

The life of the party, the pride of the room,
So gracious and warm, so smooth in his speech.
But once he returns, his smile becomes a sneer,
Annoyed, impatient—my presence too near.
Who are you when I disappear?

They see a hero, a saint, full of charm.
He spins his tales—they hang on each word.
But with me, he commands, deceives, betrays;
His promises fade like smoke from a flame.
Who are you when you’re done with the game?

In public, he shines with effortless grace,
But at home, he’s a storm with nowhere to hide.
He flatters when needing, then pushes away,
While they shame me for daring to leave.
Who are you when I no longer believe?

I stand here in silence, broken and bruised.
They cheer him, protect him, blind to my truth.
I question my mind, caught deep in his spin—
This stranger you are behind closed doors.
Who are you… and who am I, within?

Narcissistic Trait Reflection

Dual Persona / Public Vs. Private Self

Definition:
Narcissists often present a carefully curated image to the outside world — charming, generous, magnetic. But behind closed doors, they may be cold, critical, or cruel. This split creates confusion and isolation for the survivor, who is often disbelieved or blamed when they speak up.

Awareness Reminder:
If you feel like no one sees what you see — if their public praise feels like gaslight to your private pain — pause. This trait often shows up when they’re adored by others but dismissive or abusive in private. Trust your experience. The mask they wear is not your responsibility to hold.

Poetic Reflection:
They clapped for the man who made me cry,
praised the smile that silenced mine.
But I’ve learned that truth doesn’t need applause—
just the courage to name what hides behind charm.

Journal Prompt

What’s one moment when no one believed your truth?

Write it down — not to convince them, but to validate yourself.

*** You may journal in the Comments Section or keep your notes personal, but do take this chance to scribble a tiny bit of your pain away and open a window to healing.